Grief is a profoundly personal experience, yet it is something that connects us all. When I was faced with the loss of my mom, I found myself grappling with emotions and thoughts I hadn't anticipated. In hindsight, there are several things I wish I had known about grief that could have made my journey a bit easier to navigate. Today I am sharing what I’ve learned with you.
1. Grief Is Not Linear
One of the most surprising aspects of grief is its non-linear nature. I expected a clear progression through stages—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—but instead found myself cycling through these emotions unpredictably. It's crucial to understand that grief doesn’t follow a timetable, and it's perfectly normal to feel as though you’re moving forward only to experience a setback. In my new book, I share how my experience with grief sometimes feels like waves in the ocean. tLike Mother Nature, it's always unpredictable.
2. Everyone Grieves Differently
I was initially concerned with how my grief compared to others’. I quickly realized that there is no “right” way to grieve. People cope in various ways—some may express their feelings openly, while others might prefer solitude. Yes, some coping mechanisms are healthier than others, but everyone has the right to grieve in his or her own way. Understanding and accepting that everyone’s process is unique can help alleviate some of the pressure and judgment we place on ourselves and others.
3. Self-Care Is Essential
In the midst of grief, taking care of oneself can seem trivial or even impossible. I know that I had an extremely difficult time putting myself first after I lost my mom. It felt like a selfish thing to do. However, I wish I had known earlier how crucial self-care is during this time. Simple acts like eating well, getting enough sleep, and allowing myself moments of rest played a significant role in my healing. Prioritizing self-care isn’t about moving on quickly but about sustaining oneself through the journey.
4. Support Comes in Many Forms
At first, I felt overwhelmed by the well-meaning but often unhelpful advice from friends and family. Over time, I discovered that support doesn’t always come in the form of grand gestures or profound insights. Sometimes, it’s in the quiet presence of someone who simply listens, or in the small acts of kindness that show others care. Finding the right support, whether through friends, family, or support groups, can make a significant difference.
5. It’s Okay to Seek Professional Help
Grief can sometimes lead to complex emotions that are difficult to manage alone. I hesitated to seek professional help, thinking it would imply I wasn’t coping well. However, speaking with a therapist or counselor can provide invaluable tools and perspectives to help process grief. There is no shame in seeking help; in fact, it can be a vital part of the healing process.
6. Memories Can Be Healing
In the early stages of grief, some of my family wanted to avoid reminders of my mom, fearing they would bring too much pain. However, embracing memories, whether through photographs, stories, or personal rituals, can be deeply healing. Celebrating the life that was lived and keeping those memories alive can provide comfort and a sense of connection.
7. Time Doesn’t Erase the Pain, but It Does Change It
I initially thought that with time, the pain would disappear. Instead, time has transformed my grief. The intensity of the sorrow may lessen, but the love and the impact of the loss remain. As time goes on, the focus often shifts from the sharp pain of loss to a more integrated understanding of how blessed I was to have known a love so deep. Moreover, I have learned that my mom is still very much a part of our lives. Her legacy still lives on through us.
8. Grief Can Be Transformative
Finally, I wish I had understood that grief, while deeply painful, can also be transformative. It has the potential to change our perspectives, deepen our empathy, and reshape our lives in meaningful ways. Though it’s a difficult journey, it can lead to personal growth and a greater appreciation for life and relationships.
Grief is a journey that each person navigates in their own way. By acknowledging and embracing these aspects of grief, we can better prepare ourselves and others for the complexities of this profound experience. If you are grieving, remember that you are not alone, and it's okay to seek the support and understanding that you need. If this article was helpful to you, and you would like more support, consider picking up a copy of my new book "Beautiful Mourning: A Guide to Life After Loss." In it you will find more tools and tips for navigating grief with more grace and ease. Pick up an ebook here:https://amzn.to/47qxW0e or the audiobook here: https://www.audiobooks.com/audiobook/beautiful-mourning-a-guide-to-life-after-loss/810491
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