The holidays are meant to be a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness, but for those grieving the loss of a loved one, this season can feel overwhelming and painful. The holiday season can be especially hard if you lost a loved one around the holidays or if this particular holiday was their favorite. For many, Thanksgiving can be a particularly difficult time of year. Personally, I find Christmas to be especially hard because my mom passed away in January, and her final Christmas with us is not how I wish to remember her. She was very ill, unable to get up by herself, and spent most of her time lying in a chair, too weak to eat. She was incredibly sad because I think she knew tha this would be her last Christmas. It was particularly difficult to have holiday cheer that year. Navigating grief during the holidays is incredibly challenging, but there are practical strategies to help you cope with holiday grief and find comfort during this emotional season of loss. Here are some effective tips for managing holiday grief and honoring the memory of a loved one.
First, it’s essential to allow yourself to feel your emotions during the holiday season, especially when navigating grief. The holidays can already be overwhelming, and the added weight of grief can make it even more difficult to manage. Practicing self-compassion is key to coping with grief during the holidays. If you break down and cry, that’s okay – it’s a natural part of the grief process. Allow yourself to experience and express your emotions instead of suppressing them, as bottling up grief will only make things worse. Be kind to yourself and give yourself the grace to heal. The grief journey is challenging, and it’s important to take the time and space you need to grieve.
Self-care is crucial, especially during the stressful holiday season when grief and holiday preparations can take a toll on your well-being. I always host my family for Christmas Eve, and while I love bringing everyone together, the planning and work can be overwhelming. It's essential to prioritize self-care during the holidays to avoid burnout and stress. Your loved one would want you to take care of yourself. Make sure you get plenty of rest, nourish your body, and engage in activities that soothe your soul. Whether it's taking a walk, practicing meditation, or getting a massage, self-care practices can help ease holiday stress and support your mental health. Remember, you can't fully enjoy the holidays if you’re exhausted and overwhelmed. You don't want to take out your aggression and stress on your loved ones do you? I mean, sure it might make you feel better in the moment, but you will feel badly for it later. Avoid the holiday drama by practicing self-care. Commit to one act of self-care each day to nourish your mind, body, and spirit.
Next, be fully present. I have a tendency to allow myself to become stressed out and anxious if everything does not go according to the plan. What I have learned is that it doesn't matter if I burned that pie or forgot to thaw the turkey (i'm only kidding). I did actually burn a pie once though. The dog loved it. The purpose of the holidays is to celebrate togetherness. You can't do that if you are only focusing on the past, the future, or your frozen turkey can you? The holidays are about laughing, connecting, and eating way more than a human ever should. You can't enjoy that if you are not being fully present. You loved ones deserve your full attention. They should be grateful to have it because you are amazing, right? So, forget about the things that really don't matter. Instead of focusing on what you lost, focus on what is still right in front of your face. You have a lot of people who love you. Spend your time focusing on that.
Lastly, one thing that might be really healing is to make your loved one a part of the celebration. There are many ways that you can do this. Maybe you light a candle in his or her honor. Perhaps you spend some time reminiscing and telling stories about your loved one that make you laugh and smile. The year after my mom died, my niece had ornaments made for us with my mom on them. It was such a thoughtful gift. What are some ways that you can include your loved one in your festivities this year? They really are with us in spirit. Know that they don't want you to suffer. They want you to continue to celebrate.
Grief is unpredictable, heavy. and cruel. This journey is not easy. The holidays can comound that pain if we let it. Try to remember this: The pain you feel is so great because the love you shared was too. Focus on the good memories. Make some new ones, and go easy on yourself. You're only human after all. I wish you all a wonderful holiday season. If you are feeling stuck on your grief journey, and you would like a little help navigating it with more grace and ease, then grab a copy of my book "Beautiful Mourning: A Guide to Life After Loss" today. It's filled with tips and tools for working through your grief.
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