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How Grief Changes Everything

Writer's picture: Melissa AnnMelissa Ann

After losing my mom to pancreatic cancer, I felt like I was in a fog. Life didn't seem as vibrant to me anymore. Food didn't taste as flavorful. My world lost its color. It took me a while to move out of this place of confusion and darkness. Once the initial shock wore off, I started looking at my life and realizing just how different it had become.


They say that grief changes you, and I truly believe this. What you don't often hear is how grief can change the entire dynamic of the people around you too. No one talks about how you not only lose your cherished loved one, you also lose the people around you too. I never dreamed that losing my mom would forever alter the relationships in my life, but it did.


My mom was the glue that held it all together. She was the reason that we all got together. When she died, that stopped. There were also people in my family who chose to deal with their grief in unhealthy ways. They chose to ignore it completely as if it didn't exist. The problem with this is that it very much still exists. Grief doesn't go away because you want it to leave. This caused a self destruction like none I have ever witnessed before. It was very scary to watch.


The hardest part about this shift in my family was that there was not one thing that I could do about it. I had to sit on the sidelines and watch our family become a distant memory. If you have experienced this after a loss, then I sympathize with you. I know how difficult it can be to watch your world come crumbling down. I also know that there is hope. You can heal after a devastating loss. Life will be different, but it can and will go on. I wrote my book "Beautiful Mourning" to help others who have experienced grief. I wanted those who are hurting to know that they are not alone. I wanted to encourage them and give them tools to help them heal. Sometimes when we are broken, it's a chance to be broken open and made more beautiful than ever before. Grief is hard, but it is also a reminder of how beautiful life can be. We grieve because we loved deeply. That love never dies.


Healing is possible. If you would like help on your healing journey, then grab a copy of Beautiful Mourning here:




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©2018 by Melissa Oatman. 

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